Borderline
by Lanx Borealis
Summary: He was detached...again. He just wanted to feel. One last time.


**Disclaimer: I do not own GF**

 **This is for everyone who is sick and tired of seeing Robbie as some sort of horrible villain. I actually really like his character and he is very relatable. On top of that, while watching the show I noticed some of his actions aligned with people who have Borderline Personality Disorder so a head canon was born.**

 **WARNING! This contains self harm and very depressing thoughts. If you are triggered by either of those things, you may not want to read this.**

 **Oh, and I wrote this at 4:00 am so if it sucks, that's why.**

 ***This isn't a perfect example of how people act when they have this disorder. This is a work of fiction and doesn't reflect the disorder, or people who have it perfectly or in any way, really. What I'm trying to say is: Don't get offended.**

~~0~~0~~0~~

He was alone.

No matter how hard he tried, how much he pleaded, how much he apologized, she wouldn't come back to him.

She left him. Just like all the others. Past, present, and probably even future.

No matter how fast he ran, how high he climbed, how long he swam, he couldn't reach her heart again, nor her friendship.

She left him. Like the others.

Like his too-happy parents who didn't even try to understand him, to some of his old school friends. To his ex-friends of now. Anyone, really. Everybody.

Robbie curled up in on himself, hugging his hands tight to his chest, feeling so cold and _empty._

 _Empty._

He wanted to pace. To fight. To run. To scream. To cry.

He had an urge to do _something_ but it was like his mind was paralyzed, heart frozen in aching hurt.

He just wanted _out._ Out of this emptiness that seemed to plaque him, out of his own head. He didn't want to be _him_ anymore. He did want any of this!

Without realization, the dark-haired teen grabbed his pocket knife off his end table, flicking it open with shaking hands. Ripping his sleeve back, he didn't even pause as he scraped the knife across his flesh, breathing harshly as the sharp blade slipped under easily, coaxing crimson liquid forward to bead and spill out.

One, two, three, four, five droplets of rubies, followed by many more. They inched down his pale skin, tickling the hairs on his arm before falling down onto the dirty laundry that littered his room.

He added another incision along with the first, enjoying the blooms of pain that sparked and traveled up his arm and through his spine. He relished in the burning of his nerves, throwing all his focus into what he was doing to get rid of his lonesome thoughts- thoughts he didn't want to have anymore.

He was _done done done._

Done with everything. From blind parents to blinder friends and to those who didn't even have eyes.

Robbie let out a shaking sigh as he closed the knife and set it back on his end table, still watching the blood flow from his arm.

It didn't make him feel better. At this point, he didn't think anything could. He was all alone this time. No matter how hard he tried, how hard he fought, how hard he cried, and how hard he begged, he was alone.

He tried his best. He had thrown his all into keeping those people around him, they who filled him, who made him whole, who kept him under the light and let him actually see who he was.

But they were gone. And he was left in the dark. Again.

Always again.

He was gone. Gone from this world and gone from reality.

Gone.

Gone.

 _Gone._

And he didn't know how to come back.

Did he even _want_ to come back?

...

Another droplet of blood dripped off his arm and onto the floor below, lost in the darkness.

Robbie bit his lip and curled up even tighter. Through his greasy locks, across the room he could still see the pictures of him and _her_ laughing together, playing around and joking without a care in the world. Like the sun would never set and the day would never end.

Now, all he wants was for _everything_ to end. To everything to _halt_ for just a moment so he could collect himself, so he could stuff _feeling_ back into himself because he was feeling oh so nauseous and oh so gone and oh so _empty._

Another droplet fell from his arm.

The pain was already subsiding, leaving him feeling just as bad as before.

Not worse. But not better.

He was in a stasis. He was still while the rest of the world moved on without him, leaving him lost and unaware of anything else around.

He was in the dark again.

He wished the sun didn't have to set.

He wished his sun didn't leave him.

But she _did._ She _did_ leave him. And no matter how hard he tried to keep her, she still slipped through his fingers.

The girl who was always there for him.

The girl who comforted him.

The girl who filled him.

The girl who made him smile.

The girl who made him laugh.

The girl who cared about him.

 _But Wendy doesn't care anymore now, does she?_

But all he was trying to do was keep her with him. He had been afraid.

She was going to leave him. He could feel her drifting away, like dust in the sky. She was going ot leave him in the dust like everyone did and he couldn't let that happen without a fight.

And a fight it had been.

And now he was more alone than ever. Estranged from his family, estranged from his friends. And now...

Robbie watched another droplet of blood drip off his arm and fall into the abyss below.

Estranged from himself.

Robbie grabbed his pocket knife and flipped it back open, this time make not just two, but three and four and five incisions on his arm.

Agony sparked through his nerves, setting them on fire. The burning feeling pulsated through his flesh and wound up his spine once again. The pain blossomed and spread, touching every part of him, reaching down to his core as fresh tears bubbled and fell from his eyes.

The pain didn't make things better. It didn't make things worse. But it made him.

It grounded him.

It proved reality still did exist. That he was still on Earth. That time still affected him.

It filled the emptiness inside him.

Right now, Robbie would _give_ anything to feel again.

Right now, Robbie would _do_ anything to feel again.

So he gave himself that pleasure.

And pretended the emptiness would go away this time.

~~0~~0~~0~~

 **I hope you enjoyed this kinda sad...thing. Just had to write it down.**

 **I might do a short Robbie-centric fic in the future, but I don't know. We'll see how it goes.**

 **Any who, thanks for reading**!


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